Isn't, or wasn't? [ He poses, lightly. ] I mean, this isn't... normal, by any means, but Wonderland is pretty different from home. At least for me. There's a lot more down time.
[ Way more than he wants, really.
At her compliments, he chuckles weakly, raising a hand to absent-mindedly scratch at the back of his neck. ]
Nah, just an ass, not... that nice. [ You Tried, Sam. ]
Well, that-... Thanks. [ Is somehow kind of surprising, but it's nice, and he admits a small, but genuine smile. ] How would I ever enjoy a party around here without the hats? It'd be just some party. Nothing special.
[ Almost without realizing, he covers her hand with his own, squeezing gently. When he does realize, he considers snapping it back away, but instead he just swallows, tone even. ]
You'd be fine, though. You've got a lot of people here that care about you and I'm sure they'd all appreciate the hats just as much. [ Then, an amused sort of smile, and: ] Well, not as much. Maybe close.
Isn't. I realized that back when I had people from my world here. Not to mention most of my closest friends are also steeped in the supernatural. [Sam, of course, but also Jo, and Faith. Even in Wonderland, with its differences and its downtime, things haven't changed all that much. She keeps company with a vampire sometimes. She's got a dark object tucked away in her room. So it's not entirely that different from home, either.
She arches an eyebrow when he says he isn't that nice though. It fits in, mind. Sam puts others ahead of himself constantly, in terms of who needs to be protected, who needs to be helped. That sort of person doesn't typically see their good qualities without the mirror of someone else's perspective to peer into. So as he always does, he downplays his own impact, trying to shine an admiring light on Cami while refusing to let her do the same.
For the record? That's not so nice of a thing to do.]
One day, I'm going to get you to accept a compliment without you undermining it. [One day. But in the present, Cami suddenly feels the warm of Sam's hand on hers, and she has to admit, she isn't expecting it. That doesn't make it at all bad, though. She turns her hand around to wrap her fingers around his, trying to decide just where this might lead.]
Have you ever stopped to think that giving you those stupid hats is special for me too? [That he is special, and important. He says she'd be fine if he were to go, and in time, sure. Cami's dealt with loss before, and she knows how the process goes.
She knows how much it hurts, even when she knows that in enough time, she'll be fine.]
I think you're considered 'steeped in the paranormal' as long as you're here, in Wonderland. [ He chuckles again. She may or may not notice that he uses a different word, and that's because that word is gone from his vocabulary. Sam doesn't notice, though, because it's gone from his mind the instant it leaves her lips. ]
Hey, I can accept compliments! [ He looks vaguely indignant, but not very much so, since she's right. Sam shifts his weight, his fingers now wrapped around hers, standing absent-mindedly down at their hands. ]
I- [ Has he? Not really. He'd figured she was humoring him, if anything. ] I don't know? I mean... I'm glad. [ That sounds stupid. Jesus. ] But, uh... just for us. Got it. I wasn't actually going to share that one, anyway. It's a tradition; I doubt anyone'd understand.
[ Sam isn't totally sure that he remembers how it started, either. He smiles sideways at her, one shoulder rising and falling in a shrug. ]
I don't know. I mean, of course everyone is, but there's still a difference. [Cami presses her lips together, trying to figure out how to explain it. They all have to get used to impossible things, but some of them seem—more broken in, than others. Or maybe it's just a matter of being more broken. Still, she doesn't linger on it, or the fact that he misquoted her (although Cami does tihnk it odd).
Instead she favors Sam with a skeptical look, because he knows damn well that she's right thank you very much. And maybe a few other things too, given how he starts fidgeting. She doesn't miss where his eyes linger, even as he stumbles his way through acknowledging their shared little game. It's kind of cute as he works it all out in his head, and Cami can only imagine how the gears are turning as he asks himself what this contact all means.]
Good. Because if we're going to get past the awkward handholding phase, it's important for you to realize this is a two-way street. [Hey, Cami's a person with needs, and Sam—well. He's a really decent guy who also happens to be pretty hot. She wouldn't mind it if things went a little further than just this innocent touch.
Or a lot further, but that's as much up to Sam.] I'm not going anywhere, Sam. And it's okay to let someone else in. Everyone needs to sometimes, just to remember that they aren't actually alone in all this mess.
"Awkward handholding?" [ He repeats, chuckling weakly. Get it? Because... the hands. ] ... But, I know. And I know you've said that to be a hundred times. Trust me, I'm hearing you.
[ Hearing, but not changing. Thinking, but not acting. He does know that he isn't alone in Wonderland, but he's still kept himself at a certain distance from everyone and everything, particularly since Dean became a demon. Since Charlie came and left. A lot has happened that hasn't encouraged him to open up.
Except for Cami, literally telling him that it's okay. Sam glances again at her, brow twitching, something clearly chugging along in his head. ]
So, how do we get past that phase? Since spending years in the same magic mansion hasn't done the trick.
[ And all the bizarre and often-dangerous events that come with that. The younger Winchester meets her eyes again, realizing very abruptly that his pulse is loud in his throat. Huh. ]
[Oh, she gets it. In fact, that had been exactly what Cami had been referring to—the fact that they're holding hands like a pair of high schoolers who don't know what to do with themselves. And yes, she's said the same words for what feels like a hundred times or more, but they still seem to be stuck in the same place. Sam refuses to trust, and Cami's really not sure what it's going to take to convince him to change—but that doesn't mean she lacks an idea. He might even be thinking something along those lines too, given the way he's looking at her now.
And there are definitely worse ways this conversation could go, all things considered.]
That depends on just how closed off you're determined to be. [It's not at all the same as opening up about his problems, but sometimes physical intimacy can be a pleasurable form of healing all on its own. Even if he's determined to keep everything in, maybe sharing that connection with someone else would do some good for Sam. Cami's damn sure it'll give her something; after all, he's far from the only one who's lonely, or who's wanted to be normal in a life that refuses to let them be. She's felt the same sort of loss when people from her world have vanished, and bitterly recognized her own birthday, which should be shared but isn't because her brother is dead.
She knows what it feels like to be alone in the mess, and she hates it.
So she gives him the chance to say no as she lifts her free hand to his cheek. Her intentions should be well and clear, and if not—well. Somehow Cami doubts Sam's entirely inexperienced here, so "not" shouldn't be an issue. She leans up carefully, pressing closer to him as she lets her lips brush against his, nothing more than a gentle touch for now. He could still reject her outright, which would feel pretty awful, but that's his call. Cami just wants to make sure it's entirely clear what she's offering, and asking for in turn: the chance to lose themselves with another person, even for a short while.]
[ He can be a pretty stubborn guy. She knows that and so does he, so they both know how closed off he's been thus far. Now, though, it seems more like he's teetering on the brink, closer to tipping off to one side of the fence or the other. The younger Winchester searches her expression, watching her seem to consider him in return as she lifts a hand and brushes against his face, then raises up for a more forward message. He doesn't pull away, though alarms begin to ring in his head, and he allows himself to give in for a few seconds, leaning in to return the gesture, eyes shut-
But he does pull back a little, gradually, not in a sharp or jerking motion. ]
Cami- [ There's a long exhale and he looks down at her with a face full of questions, brain working too hard for a guy who was just kissed by a beautiful woman that he really likes. He knows this, feels guilty for it, and so he clears his throat awkwardly to say as much. ] ... Are you sure?
[ She's been angry with him before before for being an idiot, he's done her wrong, but they've been mostly good. Very good. This... if it really does happen, can change things in a big way. He finds himself wanting to lean in and kiss her again, if only to see where it leads, but risking their relationship isn't worth the jeopardy. Not unless she really feels certain. Or... more certain than he does, anyway. ]
[That's not bad at all, and for those first few moments when Sam kisses her back Cami has to fight off a grin. It's been, well, longer than she cares to admit since she shared this kind of contact with someone, and Sam's far from the worst choice she can make--especially if the way he kisses is any indication. But as with so many things with Sam there's that reluctance, and when he pulls away she takes a moment to catch her breath too, just looking up at him while he tries to figure out what he should say.
It's kind of cute in its own way.]
If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't be suggesting it, Sam. [She hasn't had nearly enough to drink to be wasted, so he can't even blame it on that. But there are probably a few concerns that should be addressed before things go any further, and Cami can probably guess the big one.] I'm not looking for a relationship here. But for right now, we could both have something that's ours; that's normal in all of this mess.
Provided you're willing to trust me. [At least so much as it takes for a man to trust a woman with this, to make her own choices and be able to handle the consequences. Cami's very certain of what she wants from him. She tilts her head to the side, and although she isn't moving away, it's Sam's call as to what happens next. She's made the first move, and her intentions should be pretty clear by now. She's not going to push him into this if Sam doesn't feel like he can handle it...
[ Sam hasn't kissed anyone in Wonderland since Charlie, and they hadn't gotten around to much more than that, with... everything else that had been going on in the meantime. Basically, it's been a long time since he's been intimate with anyone, physically or otherwise, as she often chides him for. Cami's kiss has him wanting more immediately, body clashing with mind, though a small part of him has to admit that there isn't a lot of harm in it, not when they're both consenting adults who'll be spirited back to their own homes with no memory of any of it eventually-
He winces when he realizes that he's thinking a little too much like Dean. ]
I could go for some 'normal.' [ He admits weakly, heart still thudding with new life in his chest. He isn't sure what he can and can't promise her, including whether or not he's sure he can trust anybody completely anymore, but what she's said is enough to convince him. To at least make him realize that they are, in fact, just hooking up, and not turning keys to launch a missile.
The younger Winchester cracks a smile, an easier one, this time, and so he leans in to kiss her again. One hand rises to cup her faces with him bending forward to meet her at her lesser height. Good. This is good. It feels good, certainly, like opening a window in spring after a long, dull winter. ]
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[ Way more than he wants, really.
At her compliments, he chuckles weakly, raising a hand to absent-mindedly scratch at the back of his neck. ]
Nah, just an ass, not... that nice. [ You Tried, Sam. ]
Well, that-... Thanks. [ Is somehow kind of surprising, but it's nice, and he admits a small, but genuine smile. ] How would I ever enjoy a party around here without the hats? It'd be just some party. Nothing special.
[ Almost without realizing, he covers her hand with his own, squeezing gently. When he does realize, he considers snapping it back away, but instead he just swallows, tone even. ]
You'd be fine, though. You've got a lot of people here that care about you and I'm sure they'd all appreciate the hats just as much. [ Then, an amused sort of smile, and: ] Well, not as much. Maybe close.
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She arches an eyebrow when he says he isn't that nice though. It fits in, mind. Sam puts others ahead of himself constantly, in terms of who needs to be protected, who needs to be helped. That sort of person doesn't typically see their good qualities without the mirror of someone else's perspective to peer into. So as he always does, he downplays his own impact, trying to shine an admiring light on Cami while refusing to let her do the same.
For the record? That's not so nice of a thing to do.]
One day, I'm going to get you to accept a compliment without you undermining it. [One day. But in the present, Cami suddenly feels the warm of Sam's hand on hers, and she has to admit, she isn't expecting it. That doesn't make it at all bad, though. She turns her hand around to wrap her fingers around his, trying to decide just where this might lead.]
Have you ever stopped to think that giving you those stupid hats is special for me too? [That he is special, and important. He says she'd be fine if he were to go, and in time, sure. Cami's dealt with loss before, and she knows how the process goes.
She knows how much it hurts, even when she knows that in enough time, she'll be fine.]
That's something that's just between us.
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Hey, I can accept compliments! [ He looks vaguely indignant, but not very much so, since she's right. Sam shifts his weight, his fingers now wrapped around hers, standing absent-mindedly down at their hands. ]
I- [ Has he? Not really. He'd figured she was humoring him, if anything. ] I don't know? I mean... I'm glad. [ That sounds stupid. Jesus. ] But, uh... just for us. Got it. I wasn't actually going to share that one, anyway. It's a tradition; I doubt anyone'd understand.
[ Sam isn't totally sure that he remembers how it started, either. He smiles sideways at her, one shoulder rising and falling in a shrug. ]
You don't have to worry about that.
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Instead she favors Sam with a skeptical look, because he knows damn well that she's right thank you very much. And maybe a few other things too, given how he starts fidgeting. She doesn't miss where his eyes linger, even as he stumbles his way through acknowledging their shared little game. It's kind of cute as he works it all out in his head, and Cami can only imagine how the gears are turning as he asks himself what this contact all means.]
Good. Because if we're going to get past the awkward handholding phase, it's important for you to realize this is a two-way street. [Hey, Cami's a person with needs, and Sam—well. He's a really decent guy who also happens to be pretty hot. She wouldn't mind it if things went a little further than just this innocent touch.
Or a lot further, but that's as much up to Sam.] I'm not going anywhere, Sam. And it's okay to let someone else in. Everyone needs to sometimes, just to remember that they aren't actually alone in all this mess.
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[ Hearing, but not changing. Thinking, but not acting. He does know that he isn't alone in Wonderland, but he's still kept himself at a certain distance from everyone and everything, particularly since Dean became a demon. Since Charlie came and left. A lot has happened that hasn't encouraged him to open up.
Except for Cami, literally telling him that it's okay. Sam glances again at her, brow twitching, something clearly chugging along in his head. ]
So, how do we get past that phase? Since spending years in the same magic mansion hasn't done the trick.
[ And all the bizarre and often-dangerous events that come with that. The younger Winchester meets her eyes again, realizing very abruptly that his pulse is loud in his throat. Huh. ]
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And there are definitely worse ways this conversation could go, all things considered.]
That depends on just how closed off you're determined to be. [It's not at all the same as opening up about his problems, but sometimes physical intimacy can be a pleasurable form of healing all on its own. Even if he's determined to keep everything in, maybe sharing that connection with someone else would do some good for Sam. Cami's damn sure it'll give her something; after all, he's far from the only one who's lonely, or who's wanted to be normal in a life that refuses to let them be. She's felt the same sort of loss when people from her world have vanished, and bitterly recognized her own birthday, which should be shared but isn't because her brother is dead.
She knows what it feels like to be alone in the mess, and she hates it.
So she gives him the chance to say no as she lifts her free hand to his cheek. Her intentions should be well and clear, and if not—well. Somehow Cami doubts Sam's entirely inexperienced here, so "not" shouldn't be an issue. She leans up carefully, pressing closer to him as she lets her lips brush against his, nothing more than a gentle touch for now. He could still reject her outright, which would feel pretty awful, but that's his call. Cami just wants to make sure it's entirely clear what she's offering, and asking for in turn: the chance to lose themselves with another person, even for a short while.]
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But he does pull back a little, gradually, not in a sharp or jerking motion. ]
Cami- [ There's a long exhale and he looks down at her with a face full of questions, brain working too hard for a guy who was just kissed by a beautiful woman that he really likes. He knows this, feels guilty for it, and so he clears his throat awkwardly to say as much. ] ... Are you sure?
[ She's been angry with him before before for being an idiot, he's done her wrong, but they've been mostly good. Very good. This... if it really does happen, can change things in a big way. He finds himself wanting to lean in and kiss her again, if only to see where it leads, but risking their relationship isn't worth the jeopardy. Not unless she really feels certain. Or... more certain than he does, anyway. ]
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It's kind of cute in its own way.]
If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't be suggesting it, Sam. [She hasn't had nearly enough to drink to be wasted, so he can't even blame it on that. But there are probably a few concerns that should be addressed before things go any further, and Cami can probably guess the big one.] I'm not looking for a relationship here. But for right now, we could both have something that's ours; that's normal in all of this mess.
Provided you're willing to trust me. [At least so much as it takes for a man to trust a woman with this, to make her own choices and be able to handle the consequences. Cami's very certain of what she wants from him. She tilts her head to the side, and although she isn't moving away, it's Sam's call as to what happens next. She's made the first move, and her intentions should be pretty clear by now. She's not going to push him into this if Sam doesn't feel like he can handle it...
But she really hopes that he does.]
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He winces when he realizes that he's thinking a little too much like Dean. ]
I could go for some 'normal.' [ He admits weakly, heart still thudding with new life in his chest. He isn't sure what he can and can't promise her, including whether or not he's sure he can trust anybody completely anymore, but what she's said is enough to convince him. To at least make him realize that they are, in fact, just hooking up, and not turning keys to launch a missile.
The younger Winchester cracks a smile, an easier one, this time, and so he leans in to kiss her again. One hand rises to cup her faces with him bending forward to meet her at her lesser height. Good. This is good. It feels good, certainly, like opening a window in spring after a long, dull winter. ]