[Out at the car probably means he's thinking about Dean; the Impala is the closest tie Sam has to his brother, and knowing that only fuels Cami's concern. So she heads outside after putting on a scarf and a sweater to fight against that cold, her hands in her pockets as she approaches the car where Sam's perched.]
Hey. [She grins at Sam, taking a second to look him over. It's about what she might expect, even if Cami still doesn't know the specific reason.] Okay, out with it. What's going on?
[ Yes, it's about what she'd expect. A Winchester, beer in hand, adorned with flannel, propped on the top of an old car. He's the picture of a family stereotype. ]
Hey. [ He offers a weak grin, sliding off the Impala.
Well, no point beating around the bush. She'll see right through it, anyway. ]
Today's Dean's birthday. [ Sam shrugs, as if to say "what can you do?" ] I just- You know.
[Under different circumstances, it might not be such a bad stereotype to live up to. Take that image and give it the backdrop of a sunny day, maybe in a world not founded on the notion of insanity, and someone might think he's just relaxing in the warmth.
But Cami does know, all too well, the pain of birthdays gone by without her twin there to celebrate them. Sam only needs to get the first part out before Cami closes her eyes, sighing even as she nods her head.]
Yeah. Sam, I'm sorry. [Dean hasn't gone back to a world that's kind to him--and certainly not a situation where he'll show mercy to others. Now Sam's here without him, alone, without even the comfort that comes from thinking that somehow, things would be okay in their own world.]
I'm kind of surprised you're sticking to beer. [She forces a small grin, then nods towards the Impala.] But if you've got any more of those, I can at least keep you from drinking alone.
[ He does have more (of course he does). Sam takes a minute to produce another bottle, uses a key to snap off the top, before hanging it to her with a curt nod. ]
Beer's fine. [ Sam offers, noncommittal. He takes a swig and stares out ahead, trying to gather his many, crowding thoughts. Beer is fine because it reminds him of home and of long drives with his brother, of easier times on the road in between simple hunts. It's been a long time since those days. ]
I miss being able to drive. [ He says finally. ] Back home, we don't even go around that much. We've finally found a bunker to hole up in where our grandfather used to work, and it's... great, actually, but it's not the same.
[ Not to mention Wonderland, with its lack of space to ride around even if you do have a car. ]
unless they're standing in front of each other, typing away. they don't need words.
[Somehow Cami can't find herself surprised when Sam pulls another beer out from his stash. She nods her thanks when she accepts, stealing a drink herself while she waits for Sam to break the silence. He needs to figure out for himself what he wants to tell her; she'll push, but only if she has to.
She doesn't think it'll come to that. It's been nearly a month since Dean left, but the reality of that seems to have gripped him all the harder today than it had even when Sam made the announcement.]
I can only imagine. I'm guessing you used to travel a lot together. Just you, him, and the car? [So few constants in his life. All the greater is the ache when one of them is absent.]
Oh, yeah. That was... my whole life. I mean, our dad was there a lot of it, until I went away to Stanford. [ It seems like so long ago, now. ] Just the three of us, then the two of us. And the car.
[ Sometimes with Castiel, or one or two others, but always Sam, Dean, and the Impala. He admits a tiny smile, nodding distractedly in thought. ]
Went all over the country, just... working. Taking on hunts wherever we could find them. That's just the life.
Stanford? Wow. [Not what Cami would have expected to happen, if she's being perfectly honest here. Granted, Sam's definitely a smart guy, but that's a pretty impressive bullet point on a resume.
But the college life had apparently been a temporary detour. Something pulled him back into the life--"just the life" as he puts it. Cami presses her lips together for a moment, not thinking those the words of someone who adores it.]
And for better or worse, it was your life. Your very few constants in a world where you constantly had to fight against everything else around you.
Yeah, well. I wanted to get to college. Dad and Dean weren't too... happy about it, but, you know.
[ He'd figured it out, had won the scholarships, had pulled everything together to make it happen. And he'd been so close to finishing, too, and then- ]
Not everything, just... most things. [ He chuckles humorlessly. ] When that's all you know, it's hard to do anything else.
Oh, I do. Although my rebellion took the form of developing a taste for beer and breaking curfew to make out with guys. [But Sam had wanted a different life than the one his father and brother envisioned him in, and college was the way out. The way to normal, like they'd talked about before.
Except neither one of them had been able to escape their family legacies, in the end.]
Which is fine while it lasts, but when you end up somewhere new, with no one to really fight against... [No one either of them could fight against. Wonderland remained this all-powerful thing, a universe or a dimension or whatever you wanted to call it, but also something that almost felt alive for how strong it was. Or maybe it's that it's easier for Cami to think of it that, than to think this realm truly chaotic, with no force of will guiding all that power.]
And no one to go on road trips with. Suddenly the constants are gone, and you're left on your own, trying to figure out how you're even supposed to live.
[ Dean had done all that stuff, but he'd managed to do it around hunting, around their movable life. In fact, it almost made it easier for him: blowing off school and hooking up with girls only to leave in a few weeks or months so there were no repercussions. ]
Then you get stir-crazy. [ Like Sam is. Was? Some days he feels fine, is glad for the weird vacation that Wonderland offers, and other days... he remembers the searches, the research, the interviews, the chases and fights. It's hard to have the most exciting thing in his day be the plan for dinner or the workout routine, after that. ]
Exactly. [ But he shrugs faintly, then crossing his arms. ] I've been here long enough that I have constants, now. It isn't as bad as it used to be. I can be grateful for that stuff no matter what else happens.
[ And he has people that he cares about and trusts. ]
Surprise. I actually did lead a life like that, once upon a time.
[It feels like ages ago now. Back when she read romance novels about vampires swooping and stealing the heart of young girls, and thought of them as a blissful fantasy. But the truth is, being fed on? Doesn't feel good at all. Not to mention all the perils that come with having a fling with a vampire.
She's long past the point where she can still fantasize about things like that.]
So do I count as one of those constants? [She grins around her beer after she asks. Of all the people Sam could have invited out, he chose her. It's flattering, but also a little out of the blue, at least in Cami's mind. Sam's been reluctant to open up to her, and although she's glad he has, she's also a little curious as to what prompted the change.]
Hey, look at you. [ He snorts, offering a sideways smile. ] I tried, but it was still with knowing what's out there. Pretty hard to act normal when you know what really matters, and what doesn't.
[ He'd tried, though. He'd tried... for a long time.
The question brings him pause and he hesitates before answering, seeming to chew over it, picking through for the right words. ]
Well, yeah. [ "Of course," he thinks. ] You're important, Cami. You've always been there, and... Even when I'm being an ass, you reach out to help.
[ She's just that kind of person, though. Kind, wanting to do good for others. ]
Tell me about it. I tried to get out of it too, but it just isn't going to happen.
[She doesn't even have to go back home to be sure of it at this point. From what she knows about her future, not to mention the choices she made when Klaus had still been here? Cami's ties are firmly set.
So that makes it easier to shift gears, and watch as Sam tries to work out just what he wants to say. She'd meant it as something of a tease too, but he's taking it pretty seriously. More so than she realizes, in fact, until Sam finally offers up that answer.
Cami's honestly a little stunned--and very, very flattered.]
Well. [Now it's her turn to glance down, taking a moment to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear.] To be fair, you're probably the nicest guy who's also been an ass to me that I know. [Which sounds pretty ridiculous as it comes out of her mouth, and Cami laughs at herself.]
And I probably could have worded that better--but it's true, Sam. [From the start she's known him to be a decent, good guy. Maybe a bit uptight sometimes, but not without a sense of humor. And he cares about people too, at least as much as Cami does.
So she smiles, and reaches out to touch his arm when he admits that he's thankful.] This place would be a lot worse if I didn't have you around to stick party hats on.
Isn't, or wasn't? [ He poses, lightly. ] I mean, this isn't... normal, by any means, but Wonderland is pretty different from home. At least for me. There's a lot more down time.
[ Way more than he wants, really.
At her compliments, he chuckles weakly, raising a hand to absent-mindedly scratch at the back of his neck. ]
Nah, just an ass, not... that nice. [ You Tried, Sam. ]
Well, that-... Thanks. [ Is somehow kind of surprising, but it's nice, and he admits a small, but genuine smile. ] How would I ever enjoy a party around here without the hats? It'd be just some party. Nothing special.
[ Almost without realizing, he covers her hand with his own, squeezing gently. When he does realize, he considers snapping it back away, but instead he just swallows, tone even. ]
You'd be fine, though. You've got a lot of people here that care about you and I'm sure they'd all appreciate the hats just as much. [ Then, an amused sort of smile, and: ] Well, not as much. Maybe close.
Isn't. I realized that back when I had people from my world here. Not to mention most of my closest friends are also steeped in the supernatural. [Sam, of course, but also Jo, and Faith. Even in Wonderland, with its differences and its downtime, things haven't changed all that much. She keeps company with a vampire sometimes. She's got a dark object tucked away in her room. So it's not entirely that different from home, either.
She arches an eyebrow when he says he isn't that nice though. It fits in, mind. Sam puts others ahead of himself constantly, in terms of who needs to be protected, who needs to be helped. That sort of person doesn't typically see their good qualities without the mirror of someone else's perspective to peer into. So as he always does, he downplays his own impact, trying to shine an admiring light on Cami while refusing to let her do the same.
For the record? That's not so nice of a thing to do.]
One day, I'm going to get you to accept a compliment without you undermining it. [One day. But in the present, Cami suddenly feels the warm of Sam's hand on hers, and she has to admit, she isn't expecting it. That doesn't make it at all bad, though. She turns her hand around to wrap her fingers around his, trying to decide just where this might lead.]
Have you ever stopped to think that giving you those stupid hats is special for me too? [That he is special, and important. He says she'd be fine if he were to go, and in time, sure. Cami's dealt with loss before, and she knows how the process goes.
She knows how much it hurts, even when she knows that in enough time, she'll be fine.]
I think you're considered 'steeped in the paranormal' as long as you're here, in Wonderland. [ He chuckles again. She may or may not notice that he uses a different word, and that's because that word is gone from his vocabulary. Sam doesn't notice, though, because it's gone from his mind the instant it leaves her lips. ]
Hey, I can accept compliments! [ He looks vaguely indignant, but not very much so, since she's right. Sam shifts his weight, his fingers now wrapped around hers, standing absent-mindedly down at their hands. ]
I- [ Has he? Not really. He'd figured she was humoring him, if anything. ] I don't know? I mean... I'm glad. [ That sounds stupid. Jesus. ] But, uh... just for us. Got it. I wasn't actually going to share that one, anyway. It's a tradition; I doubt anyone'd understand.
[ Sam isn't totally sure that he remembers how it started, either. He smiles sideways at her, one shoulder rising and falling in a shrug. ]
I don't know. I mean, of course everyone is, but there's still a difference. [Cami presses her lips together, trying to figure out how to explain it. They all have to get used to impossible things, but some of them seem—more broken in, than others. Or maybe it's just a matter of being more broken. Still, she doesn't linger on it, or the fact that he misquoted her (although Cami does tihnk it odd).
Instead she favors Sam with a skeptical look, because he knows damn well that she's right thank you very much. And maybe a few other things too, given how he starts fidgeting. She doesn't miss where his eyes linger, even as he stumbles his way through acknowledging their shared little game. It's kind of cute as he works it all out in his head, and Cami can only imagine how the gears are turning as he asks himself what this contact all means.]
Good. Because if we're going to get past the awkward handholding phase, it's important for you to realize this is a two-way street. [Hey, Cami's a person with needs, and Sam—well. He's a really decent guy who also happens to be pretty hot. She wouldn't mind it if things went a little further than just this innocent touch.
Or a lot further, but that's as much up to Sam.] I'm not going anywhere, Sam. And it's okay to let someone else in. Everyone needs to sometimes, just to remember that they aren't actually alone in all this mess.
"Awkward handholding?" [ He repeats, chuckling weakly. Get it? Because... the hands. ] ... But, I know. And I know you've said that to be a hundred times. Trust me, I'm hearing you.
[ Hearing, but not changing. Thinking, but not acting. He does know that he isn't alone in Wonderland, but he's still kept himself at a certain distance from everyone and everything, particularly since Dean became a demon. Since Charlie came and left. A lot has happened that hasn't encouraged him to open up.
Except for Cami, literally telling him that it's okay. Sam glances again at her, brow twitching, something clearly chugging along in his head. ]
So, how do we get past that phase? Since spending years in the same magic mansion hasn't done the trick.
[ And all the bizarre and often-dangerous events that come with that. The younger Winchester meets her eyes again, realizing very abruptly that his pulse is loud in his throat. Huh. ]
[Oh, she gets it. In fact, that had been exactly what Cami had been referring to—the fact that they're holding hands like a pair of high schoolers who don't know what to do with themselves. And yes, she's said the same words for what feels like a hundred times or more, but they still seem to be stuck in the same place. Sam refuses to trust, and Cami's really not sure what it's going to take to convince him to change—but that doesn't mean she lacks an idea. He might even be thinking something along those lines too, given the way he's looking at her now.
And there are definitely worse ways this conversation could go, all things considered.]
That depends on just how closed off you're determined to be. [It's not at all the same as opening up about his problems, but sometimes physical intimacy can be a pleasurable form of healing all on its own. Even if he's determined to keep everything in, maybe sharing that connection with someone else would do some good for Sam. Cami's damn sure it'll give her something; after all, he's far from the only one who's lonely, or who's wanted to be normal in a life that refuses to let them be. She's felt the same sort of loss when people from her world have vanished, and bitterly recognized her own birthday, which should be shared but isn't because her brother is dead.
She knows what it feels like to be alone in the mess, and she hates it.
So she gives him the chance to say no as she lifts her free hand to his cheek. Her intentions should be well and clear, and if not—well. Somehow Cami doubts Sam's entirely inexperienced here, so "not" shouldn't be an issue. She leans up carefully, pressing closer to him as she lets her lips brush against his, nothing more than a gentle touch for now. He could still reject her outright, which would feel pretty awful, but that's his call. Cami just wants to make sure it's entirely clear what she's offering, and asking for in turn: the chance to lose themselves with another person, even for a short while.]
[ He can be a pretty stubborn guy. She knows that and so does he, so they both know how closed off he's been thus far. Now, though, it seems more like he's teetering on the brink, closer to tipping off to one side of the fence or the other. The younger Winchester searches her expression, watching her seem to consider him in return as she lifts a hand and brushes against his face, then raises up for a more forward message. He doesn't pull away, though alarms begin to ring in his head, and he allows himself to give in for a few seconds, leaning in to return the gesture, eyes shut-
But he does pull back a little, gradually, not in a sharp or jerking motion. ]
Cami- [ There's a long exhale and he looks down at her with a face full of questions, brain working too hard for a guy who was just kissed by a beautiful woman that he really likes. He knows this, feels guilty for it, and so he clears his throat awkwardly to say as much. ] ... Are you sure?
[ She's been angry with him before before for being an idiot, he's done her wrong, but they've been mostly good. Very good. This... if it really does happen, can change things in a big way. He finds himself wanting to lean in and kiss her again, if only to see where it leads, but risking their relationship isn't worth the jeopardy. Not unless she really feels certain. Or... more certain than he does, anyway. ]
[That's not bad at all, and for those first few moments when Sam kisses her back Cami has to fight off a grin. It's been, well, longer than she cares to admit since she shared this kind of contact with someone, and Sam's far from the worst choice she can make--especially if the way he kisses is any indication. But as with so many things with Sam there's that reluctance, and when he pulls away she takes a moment to catch her breath too, just looking up at him while he tries to figure out what he should say.
It's kind of cute in its own way.]
If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't be suggesting it, Sam. [She hasn't had nearly enough to drink to be wasted, so he can't even blame it on that. But there are probably a few concerns that should be addressed before things go any further, and Cami can probably guess the big one.] I'm not looking for a relationship here. But for right now, we could both have something that's ours; that's normal in all of this mess.
Provided you're willing to trust me. [At least so much as it takes for a man to trust a woman with this, to make her own choices and be able to handle the consequences. Cami's very certain of what she wants from him. She tilts her head to the side, and although she isn't moving away, it's Sam's call as to what happens next. She's made the first move, and her intentions should be pretty clear by now. She's not going to push him into this if Sam doesn't feel like he can handle it...
[ Sam hasn't kissed anyone in Wonderland since Charlie, and they hadn't gotten around to much more than that, with... everything else that had been going on in the meantime. Basically, it's been a long time since he's been intimate with anyone, physically or otherwise, as she often chides him for. Cami's kiss has him wanting more immediately, body clashing with mind, though a small part of him has to admit that there isn't a lot of harm in it, not when they're both consenting adults who'll be spirited back to their own homes with no memory of any of it eventually-
He winces when he realizes that he's thinking a little too much like Dean. ]
I could go for some 'normal.' [ He admits weakly, heart still thudding with new life in his chest. He isn't sure what he can and can't promise her, including whether or not he's sure he can trust anybody completely anymore, but what she's said is enough to convince him. To at least make him realize that they are, in fact, just hooking up, and not turning keys to launch a missile.
The younger Winchester cracks a smile, an easier one, this time, and so he leans in to kiss her again. One hand rises to cup her faces with him bending forward to meet her at her lesser height. Good. This is good. It feels good, certainly, like opening a window in spring after a long, dull winter. ]
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[Out at the car probably means he's thinking about Dean; the Impala is the closest tie Sam has to his brother, and knowing that only fuels Cami's concern. So she heads outside after putting on a scarf and a sweater to fight against that cold, her hands in her pockets as she approaches the car where Sam's perched.]
Hey. [She grins at Sam, taking a second to look him over. It's about what she might expect, even if Cami still doesn't know the specific reason.] Okay, out with it. What's going on?
text;
Hey. [ He offers a weak grin, sliding off the Impala.
Well, no point beating around the bush. She'll see right through it, anyway. ]
Today's Dean's birthday. [ Sam shrugs, as if to say "what can you do?" ] I just- You know.
[ He knows that she knows. ]
Re: text;
But Cami does know, all too well, the pain of birthdays gone by without her twin there to celebrate them. Sam only needs to get the first part out before Cami closes her eyes, sighing even as she nods her head.]
Yeah. Sam, I'm sorry. [Dean hasn't gone back to a world that's kind to him--and certainly not a situation where he'll show mercy to others. Now Sam's here without him, alone, without even the comfort that comes from thinking that somehow, things would be okay in their own world.]
I'm kind of surprised you're sticking to beer. [She forces a small grin, then nods towards the Impala.] But if you've got any more of those, I can at least keep you from drinking alone.
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Beer's fine. [ Sam offers, noncommittal. He takes a swig and stares out ahead, trying to gather his many, crowding thoughts. Beer is fine because it reminds him of home and of long drives with his brother, of easier times on the road in between simple hunts. It's been a long time since those days. ]
I miss being able to drive. [ He says finally. ] Back home, we don't even go around that much. We've finally found a bunker to hole up in where our grandfather used to work, and it's... great, actually, but it's not the same.
[ Not to mention Wonderland, with its lack of space to ride around even if you do have a car. ]
unless they're standing in front of each other, typing away. they don't need words.
She doesn't think it'll come to that. It's been nearly a month since Dean left, but the reality of that seems to have gripped him all the harder today than it had even when Sam made the announcement.]
I can only imagine. I'm guessing you used to travel a lot together. Just you, him, and the car? [So few constants in his life. All the greater is the ache when one of them is absent.]
seems legit
[ Sometimes with Castiel, or one or two others, but always Sam, Dean, and the Impala. He admits a tiny smile, nodding distractedly in thought. ]
Went all over the country, just... working. Taking on hunts wherever we could find them. That's just the life.
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But the college life had apparently been a temporary detour. Something pulled him back into the life--"just the life" as he puts it. Cami presses her lips together for a moment, not thinking those the words of someone who adores it.]
And for better or worse, it was your life. Your very few constants in a world where you constantly had to fight against everything else around you.
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[ He'd figured it out, had won the scholarships, had pulled everything together to make it happen. And he'd been so close to finishing, too, and then- ]
Not everything, just... most things. [ He chuckles humorlessly. ] When that's all you know, it's hard to do anything else.
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Except neither one of them had been able to escape their family legacies, in the end.]
Which is fine while it lasts, but when you end up somewhere new, with no one to really fight against... [No one either of them could fight against. Wonderland remained this all-powerful thing, a universe or a dimension or whatever you wanted to call it, but also something that almost felt alive for how strong it was. Or maybe it's that it's easier for Cami to think of it that, than to think this realm truly chaotic, with no force of will guiding all that power.]
And no one to go on road trips with. Suddenly the constants are gone, and you're left on your own, trying to figure out how you're even supposed to live.
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[ Dean had done all that stuff, but he'd managed to do it around hunting, around their movable life. In fact, it almost made it easier for him: blowing off school and hooking up with girls only to leave in a few weeks or months so there were no repercussions. ]
Then you get stir-crazy. [ Like Sam is. Was? Some days he feels fine, is glad for the weird vacation that Wonderland offers, and other days... he remembers the searches, the research, the interviews, the chases and fights. It's hard to have the most exciting thing in his day be the plan for dinner or the workout routine, after that. ]
Exactly. [ But he shrugs faintly, then crossing his arms. ] I've been here long enough that I have constants, now. It isn't as bad as it used to be. I can be grateful for that stuff no matter what else happens.
[ And he has people that he cares about and trusts. ]
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[It feels like ages ago now. Back when she read romance novels about vampires swooping and stealing the heart of young girls, and thought of them as a blissful fantasy. But the truth is, being fed on? Doesn't feel good at all. Not to mention all the perils that come with having a fling with a vampire.
She's long past the point where she can still fantasize about things like that.]
So do I count as one of those constants? [She grins around her beer after she asks. Of all the people Sam could have invited out, he chose her. It's flattering, but also a little out of the blue, at least in Cami's mind. Sam's been reluctant to open up to her, and although she's glad he has, she's also a little curious as to what prompted the change.]
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[ He'd tried, though. He'd tried... for a long time.
The question brings him pause and he hesitates before answering, seeming to chew over it, picking through for the right words. ]
Well, yeah. [ "Of course," he thinks. ] You're important, Cami. You've always been there, and... Even when I'm being an ass, you reach out to help.
[ She's just that kind of person, though. Kind, wanting to do good for others. ]
Means a lot.
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[She doesn't even have to go back home to be sure of it at this point. From what she knows about her future, not to mention the choices she made when Klaus had still been here? Cami's ties are firmly set.
So that makes it easier to shift gears, and watch as Sam tries to work out just what he wants to say. She'd meant it as something of a tease too, but he's taking it pretty seriously. More so than she realizes, in fact, until Sam finally offers up that answer.
Cami's honestly a little stunned--and very, very flattered.]
Well. [Now it's her turn to glance down, taking a moment to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear.] To be fair, you're probably the nicest guy who's also been an ass to me that I know. [Which sounds pretty ridiculous as it comes out of her mouth, and Cami laughs at herself.]
And I probably could have worded that better--but it's true, Sam. [From the start she's known him to be a decent, good guy. Maybe a bit uptight sometimes, but not without a sense of humor. And he cares about people too, at least as much as Cami does.
So she smiles, and reaches out to touch his arm when he admits that he's thankful.] This place would be a lot worse if I didn't have you around to stick party hats on.
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[ Way more than he wants, really.
At her compliments, he chuckles weakly, raising a hand to absent-mindedly scratch at the back of his neck. ]
Nah, just an ass, not... that nice. [ You Tried, Sam. ]
Well, that-... Thanks. [ Is somehow kind of surprising, but it's nice, and he admits a small, but genuine smile. ] How would I ever enjoy a party around here without the hats? It'd be just some party. Nothing special.
[ Almost without realizing, he covers her hand with his own, squeezing gently. When he does realize, he considers snapping it back away, but instead he just swallows, tone even. ]
You'd be fine, though. You've got a lot of people here that care about you and I'm sure they'd all appreciate the hats just as much. [ Then, an amused sort of smile, and: ] Well, not as much. Maybe close.
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She arches an eyebrow when he says he isn't that nice though. It fits in, mind. Sam puts others ahead of himself constantly, in terms of who needs to be protected, who needs to be helped. That sort of person doesn't typically see their good qualities without the mirror of someone else's perspective to peer into. So as he always does, he downplays his own impact, trying to shine an admiring light on Cami while refusing to let her do the same.
For the record? That's not so nice of a thing to do.]
One day, I'm going to get you to accept a compliment without you undermining it. [One day. But in the present, Cami suddenly feels the warm of Sam's hand on hers, and she has to admit, she isn't expecting it. That doesn't make it at all bad, though. She turns her hand around to wrap her fingers around his, trying to decide just where this might lead.]
Have you ever stopped to think that giving you those stupid hats is special for me too? [That he is special, and important. He says she'd be fine if he were to go, and in time, sure. Cami's dealt with loss before, and she knows how the process goes.
She knows how much it hurts, even when she knows that in enough time, she'll be fine.]
That's something that's just between us.
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Hey, I can accept compliments! [ He looks vaguely indignant, but not very much so, since she's right. Sam shifts his weight, his fingers now wrapped around hers, standing absent-mindedly down at their hands. ]
I- [ Has he? Not really. He'd figured she was humoring him, if anything. ] I don't know? I mean... I'm glad. [ That sounds stupid. Jesus. ] But, uh... just for us. Got it. I wasn't actually going to share that one, anyway. It's a tradition; I doubt anyone'd understand.
[ Sam isn't totally sure that he remembers how it started, either. He smiles sideways at her, one shoulder rising and falling in a shrug. ]
You don't have to worry about that.
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Instead she favors Sam with a skeptical look, because he knows damn well that she's right thank you very much. And maybe a few other things too, given how he starts fidgeting. She doesn't miss where his eyes linger, even as he stumbles his way through acknowledging their shared little game. It's kind of cute as he works it all out in his head, and Cami can only imagine how the gears are turning as he asks himself what this contact all means.]
Good. Because if we're going to get past the awkward handholding phase, it's important for you to realize this is a two-way street. [Hey, Cami's a person with needs, and Sam—well. He's a really decent guy who also happens to be pretty hot. She wouldn't mind it if things went a little further than just this innocent touch.
Or a lot further, but that's as much up to Sam.] I'm not going anywhere, Sam. And it's okay to let someone else in. Everyone needs to sometimes, just to remember that they aren't actually alone in all this mess.
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[ Hearing, but not changing. Thinking, but not acting. He does know that he isn't alone in Wonderland, but he's still kept himself at a certain distance from everyone and everything, particularly since Dean became a demon. Since Charlie came and left. A lot has happened that hasn't encouraged him to open up.
Except for Cami, literally telling him that it's okay. Sam glances again at her, brow twitching, something clearly chugging along in his head. ]
So, how do we get past that phase? Since spending years in the same magic mansion hasn't done the trick.
[ And all the bizarre and often-dangerous events that come with that. The younger Winchester meets her eyes again, realizing very abruptly that his pulse is loud in his throat. Huh. ]
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And there are definitely worse ways this conversation could go, all things considered.]
That depends on just how closed off you're determined to be. [It's not at all the same as opening up about his problems, but sometimes physical intimacy can be a pleasurable form of healing all on its own. Even if he's determined to keep everything in, maybe sharing that connection with someone else would do some good for Sam. Cami's damn sure it'll give her something; after all, he's far from the only one who's lonely, or who's wanted to be normal in a life that refuses to let them be. She's felt the same sort of loss when people from her world have vanished, and bitterly recognized her own birthday, which should be shared but isn't because her brother is dead.
She knows what it feels like to be alone in the mess, and she hates it.
So she gives him the chance to say no as she lifts her free hand to his cheek. Her intentions should be well and clear, and if not—well. Somehow Cami doubts Sam's entirely inexperienced here, so "not" shouldn't be an issue. She leans up carefully, pressing closer to him as she lets her lips brush against his, nothing more than a gentle touch for now. He could still reject her outright, which would feel pretty awful, but that's his call. Cami just wants to make sure it's entirely clear what she's offering, and asking for in turn: the chance to lose themselves with another person, even for a short while.]
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But he does pull back a little, gradually, not in a sharp or jerking motion. ]
Cami- [ There's a long exhale and he looks down at her with a face full of questions, brain working too hard for a guy who was just kissed by a beautiful woman that he really likes. He knows this, feels guilty for it, and so he clears his throat awkwardly to say as much. ] ... Are you sure?
[ She's been angry with him before before for being an idiot, he's done her wrong, but they've been mostly good. Very good. This... if it really does happen, can change things in a big way. He finds himself wanting to lean in and kiss her again, if only to see where it leads, but risking their relationship isn't worth the jeopardy. Not unless she really feels certain. Or... more certain than he does, anyway. ]
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It's kind of cute in its own way.]
If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't be suggesting it, Sam. [She hasn't had nearly enough to drink to be wasted, so he can't even blame it on that. But there are probably a few concerns that should be addressed before things go any further, and Cami can probably guess the big one.] I'm not looking for a relationship here. But for right now, we could both have something that's ours; that's normal in all of this mess.
Provided you're willing to trust me. [At least so much as it takes for a man to trust a woman with this, to make her own choices and be able to handle the consequences. Cami's very certain of what she wants from him. She tilts her head to the side, and although she isn't moving away, it's Sam's call as to what happens next. She's made the first move, and her intentions should be pretty clear by now. She's not going to push him into this if Sam doesn't feel like he can handle it...
But she really hopes that he does.]
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He winces when he realizes that he's thinking a little too much like Dean. ]
I could go for some 'normal.' [ He admits weakly, heart still thudding with new life in his chest. He isn't sure what he can and can't promise her, including whether or not he's sure he can trust anybody completely anymore, but what she's said is enough to convince him. To at least make him realize that they are, in fact, just hooking up, and not turning keys to launch a missile.
The younger Winchester cracks a smile, an easier one, this time, and so he leans in to kiss her again. One hand rises to cup her faces with him bending forward to meet her at her lesser height. Good. This is good. It feels good, certainly, like opening a window in spring after a long, dull winter. ]